A Letter To My Daughter Before My Son Was Born
I want to share this letter that I wrote my daughter a few weeks before my son was born. I was simultaneously ecstatic and terrified. For numerous reasons. I was so excited to meet my sweet baby son and to see my children’s relationship shape and blossom. And yet I was so terrified what that would mean for my relationships with my both of my children. Would my daughter be jealous? Would she act out or pull away from me? And I was also worried for my son. Would he feel like he was left out? Would he know how much I already loved him and hadn’t even met him yet? I was a worried and emotional wreck, and I felt so alone; and ashamed that I was having these feelings. When I finally reached out to other moms of multiples, I was SO relieved to hear that they had felt this way too. And even MORE relieved that everything turned out fine. And for any mamas that are feeling this way, in my personal opinion, I truly do believe everything WILL be fine. It will be beautiful and hard, and sweet and tough, because such is life. But in my own experience, I am SO overjoyed to say that I love my children with all of my heart equally. And my relationship with each of them is more than I honestly could have ever dreamed. And I thank God for that every single day. So I wanted to preface this letter with that, as I wrote this when I was almost 9 months pregnant and was quite emotional one night, as I held my sleeping toddler in my arms.
Our lives will be changing in a huge way, very soon, little girl. Your baby brother will be due any day now. So what does this mean? Well, we will soon have a tiny baby in our lives who will take up quite a bit of time and attention. In saying this, Mommy and Daddy will ALWAYS have time and attention for you too. Always. It may not be immediate, but we will always make time for the both of you. This will be a new adventure and balancing act, and the four of us will figure this all out together. Life is constantly changing, something I’ve had a bit of a hard time with. But change is good, and I just know you will adore your brother and he will adore you. How could he not? You are such an amazing, funny, smart little person; you make Daddy & I so very happy and proud.
Sweetheart, the day God made me your Mama, felt like the day my eyes and heart were opened for the very first time. The moment I heard your first tiny cry, I became an entirely new & different person. Missing meals, showers, hours and hours of sleep, I would do it all over again for you in a heart beat. (And will be doing this very soon for your baby brother). The sun rises and sets with you. You give me so much joy I sometimes feel like my heart will just burst. And sometimes it terrifies me that our bond will be severed or changed when your brother arrives. And I know I will love him too. I know that without a doubt. I just feel so out of my element as I don’t know how I will be as a mom of two. Then again, I didn’t know how I would be as a mom in general, so I know I’ll just learn as I go.
And now I am crying while writing this, but it’s just because I love you SO very much. I have truly loved every single minute of our one on one time together, even when you throw all of my carefully made food for you off of your high chair and into our dog’s mouth. I love the way you crawl onto my lap and tell me all about (in your 2 year old way) the latest things you find interesting or funny. I love how you insist we lay next to each other when it’s bed time, face to face until your breathing slows and you drift into a sound & peaceful sleep; usually clutching a piece of my pajamas or my hand. I love how you reach your arms up to me saying “Hold me, Mama. Hold me”.
I can’t wait to see what antics you and your brother will get into. I’m an only child, so I’m not an expert on how sibling relationships can be, but from what I have seen, there is no comparable relationship in the world as one between siblings. I am so excited for our family of three to become four. I love you so very much, my sweet precious girl; & I will always love you; that is a fact that I guarantee will never EVER change.