5 Things NOT To Say to A C-Section Mama
I had a c-section with my first baby due to her frank breech positioning almost 3 years ago. I love my daughter who I had through a C-section birth just as much as I love my son who I had through a vbac; but it still surprises me when I hear odd comments about c-section births. Here are some off the wall comments made to me or some of my c-section mama friends. Just to name a few…
1. You took the easy way out. Riiiiiight. Getting my skin, stomach muscles and uterus cut into was super easy. I actually got a mani/pedi at the same time, it was THAT relaxing. And when the doctor moved some of my organs outside of my body so that they could get to my uterus, I was just catching up on my Netflix shows. You caught me. And when I had to have my mom, husband or mother in law physically help me get out of bed, walk, shower or use the restroom? That was all for show. Psh, major abdominal surgery is sooooo easy.
2. Do you feel like you were cheated or missed out on the whole birthing process? Wow. Why don’t you just strap on some steel toed boots while you’re kick me while I’m down? Yes, I (personally) felt like I was a little robbed. Ok, I felt it a lot. I missed out on having my newborn placed immediately on my chest because I was getting sewn back up instead. I had only one day to prepare myself mentally that I had to have a c-section. But you know what? I try not to focus on things I can’t change, so instead I’ll focus on my beautiful sweet child and how as long as my child is here and healthy, that’s all that truly matters at the end of the day to me. Also, some mothers labored hours and hours and hours before being told that they had to have a c-section. And this was beyond devastating for them. Some of them are still seriously grieving this, so please keep an insensitive comment like this to yourself.
3. I bet you hate looking at your scar. Why? Why would you think that? When I look at my scar, I don’t feel shame or regret. I know that I got that scar because my baby was BORN that way. I hope that when I’m an old lady and am reflecting back on my years as a mother and wife and friend, I hope that I can fondly and lovingly look at my scar as a reminder of all the unimaginable joys that it gave me.
4. Once a c-section always a c-section. Ummm no. Maybe back in the day, but not necessarily for now a days. This past March I just had my VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my son. And ACOG (the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) says that many women are eligible for TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) and that her ob-gyn will be able to determine which course of action will be best for her. For example: I had a c-section due to my daughter’s frank breech positioning, so my ob-gym said I had about a 60-70% chance of achieving a VBAC. This encouraged me so much that I did as much research as possible to increase my chances of being able to try achieving this.
5. You’re not a real mom because you didn’t birth the natural way. Oh yeah? Well then you must not be a real person because apparently you don’t have a SOUL. Also, a vaginal birth does not necessarily “make” a mother. Mothers are women who have had vaginal births, c-sections, adopt their children, foster their children.
People can be cruel and rude and say weird hurtful off the wall comments that can leave us reeling. But they also can be genuinely curious and not realize what they are asking can be painful to hear. And I honestly don’t think when someone assumes “once a c-section always a c-section” that they are saying this maliciously, I think they are saying this because that actually used to be the way of thinking. Regardless, c-section birth mama, vaginal birth mama, foster mama, adoptive mama you are all beautiful, strong and amazing mamas; and just trying to do what’s best for your kids. And I think that’s what unites us all.