1st Day Of Preschool
Today was my daughter’s first day of preschool. I have simultaneously dreaded and been excited for this moment. The way that I work, is if I am worried about something or dreading something, I tend to dwell on it and then try to work out all the angles and scenarios. I’ll imagine various possible outcomes and try to play them out in my head to prepare myself ahead of time. Then, I push it out of my mind and keep it on the back burner. Yesterday, I realized I was kinda gloomy and I kept asking my toddler if she wanted a hug or some juice or wanted to play, and I realized it was because I was dreading “the preschool drop off”. She didn’t seem to notice my mood, thank God, and happily played with her toys like normal.
Fast forward to last night after her bath, and she laid down in her bed and fell asleep in my arms like usual. She has always fallen asleep this way since I weaned her, it just works for us. And I truly cherish these moments because I know she will grow up soon and this will all be a special time in the past. She talked about whales, and bears, and sharks until she eventually drifted off to sleep. I slowly moved away so as not to wake her up, and tucked her in her bed, and waited for my husband to join me. And as I laid there, thinking about what a big girl she is at 2 years and 9 months, all of these beautiful sweet memories decided to just bombard me. Excellent timing, right?
Memories of when she was a little tiny newborn and would sleep on my chest while my husband and I would watch tv. Memories of how she would make the sweetest and happiest excited face when she saw something that she thought was truly fascinating or fun. She still sometimes makes this face, and every time she does it is just so sweet to see. Memories of when she first learned how to walk and would toddle over so proudly with the biggest grin on her face. Or how she would squeal whenever she played with our dog. Memories of how she will always look around for me just to make sure that I’m still there; she still does this so I am just praying that she is having a good first day right now. And just random thoughts about all of the funny things that she’ll say and do. And her sweet little girl voice.
So today, we got her dressed in a special new preschool outfit, I combed her hair into a pony tail and put in a matching bow. She took a picture next to her special first day of preschool sign, and I talked up a bunch about how mommies always come back, and how fun school is, and how some of her friends are also in school. We all piled in the car: me, my husband, my daughter and our baby son. On the drive there (my husband drove) I alternated between quietly getting choked up and attempting to put my makeup on. This resulted in some seriously smeared eye liner, but what are you gonna do? I nervously held her hand and walked her in, said hi to her teacher and took a picture of the two of them. And when it was time to go, I braced myself for the tears, or the confused looks or clinging to me. And she just took her teacher’s hand and walked off. Didn’t look back once.
My husband dragged me out as I kept taking a million pictures, as I was so sure she would look back; but he made a good point that it was better to leave while she was happy. And so I am just so very proud of her. And surprised. And happy. It’s so bittersweet. I am so proud that she did so well, and yet I am worried sick how she is doing there. Right now. I’m writing real time here. I get to go pick her up in a few hours, so I am just waiting for that moment to see her sweet little face and to pick her up and tell her how very proud I am, and that she is such a big girl. Anyway, I’m sorry if this isn’t the most inspiring post today. Just the very emotional ramblings of a mama watching her children grow up so very fast. Hopefully this helps if any of you can relate, you are not alone. Just all the mama feels today.